By: Daniel Olsen
Photo from Spider-Man Far From Home Commercial
This is a script detailing the Utah Jazz’s pursuit of an NBA championship via a dynamic duo that shall henceforth be named the Comic Con
Peter Parker, having announced his retirement from his superhero career, passed on his Spider-Man outfit to a rising star named Donovan “SPIDA” Mitchell of the Utah Jazz.
Donovan: Hey lets do that classic trending Spider-Man gif pose, only I need to blot myself out to conceal my identity.
Tom Holland (Spider-Man actor): Ok sounds good but you have to give me your shoes.
The new Spider-Man had just suffered a rocket attack in the Playoffs and received very little help on the offensive end. He entered the offseason in search of that elusive championship.
Donovan: Batman has Robin, Spanky has Alfalfa. Spida needs a sidekick. Who should it be?
Mr. Mitchell already had a defensive shield to protect the Jazz from sniper attacks. The shield is known as the Stifle Tower.
However, his snipers played less than satisfactory in their most crucial playoff battles despite their record setting performances in their regular hunting season. His Spanish ally threw up a desperate last bomb to save the Jazz troops but didn’t even hit the target. His superhero name was renounced from Spanish Stockton, to Bricky, to Airball Ricky in one play. He and the Jazz have let it be known on the computer networks that they will no longer be allies next year.
This rest period was supposed to be more about preparation and rest. The Jazz got rid of the few snipers they had in a trade agreement in exchange for a Swiss Army Knife named Mike Conley, otherwise known as Robocon. Mike would be one of the highest ranked All-Star badge had the almost Eastern Time Zone Memphis Grizzlies been a member of the Eastern Alliance. He did receive second class honors for his defensive strategies during the height of the Grind City reign.
Donovan Mitchell’s social media presence created an awkward first encounter with Robocon days before the trade was made.
However, after some geography lessons from the supporters of the Utah Jazz, Robocon was reprogrammed to understand the impact he will have on not just the CITY of Salt Lake where the Jazz note stands, but the entire STATE of Utah.
Donovan: We need a name for our new dynamic backcourt. We have the Wasatch Front but I think the Wasatch Back can be like a hidden gem buried in the mountains.
Conley: They call you Spider-Man right?
Donovan: Yes. It’s one of my favorite comics. What do they call you Mr. Conley?
Conley: They just call me Con for short. Some might call me a con artist because although I’ve never been an All-Star, I hustle people to make them think I’m not as good as I really am.
Donovan: So how can we combine my favorite Comic and your Con nickname?
Conley: I’m not sure. Maybe we could ask some people at that comic book convention for some ideas. What’s it called?
Donovan: Comic Con! You’re a genius. Just call us the Salt Lake Comic Con. We will put on a clinic. We are coming for the NBA baby!
There is still work to be done. The Jazz will have to work some magic to fill out their roster. Their salary cap is close to empty and they have more empty spots to fill out their ranks. Other borderline stars like Sir Tobias Harris of Philly are interested in joining the quest to bring home the treasure to the Wasatch Mountains. He is obviously tired of the cheating Tanker process that is pushing on a decade. It will be hard for the Jazz to create enough space unless he decides to take less money in pursuit of the big treasure.
With Favors and Gobert the Jazz had a frontcourt known as the Wasatch Front. With Mitchell and Conley, they can also have a Wasatch Back to rival the original Ragnar Wasatch Back Relay Race. They didn’t seek many assets in the league instituted draft but they did draft some good shooting soldiers from the small town college camps like Charleston, Hofstra and the masterminds of Yale. Jarrell Brantley, Justin Wright-Foreman and Miye Oni should be serviceable at best.
The jury is still out on just how good the Jazz will be next season. If the national media is any indication of the verdict, the Jazz are projected to fare better than they have the last couple seasons. Adding another unselfish great player to an already great team should help the team go from pretender to contender in the race for the Larry O’Brien trophy. Depending on what other moves the Jazz make, they have a 1 to 2 year window to really make a push for a championship. Again, the Warriors will be undermanned and everyone has their warts. Expect the Jazz to really take a step forward in their progression.