Ute Basketball Coach K Cancels 2017-2018 season due to “safety concerns”

The University of Utah head basketball coach Larry Krystowiak is at it again, but this time he didn’t just cancel the Holy War. The Coach K of the West decided to cancel the whole 2017-2018 season due to more concerns about player safety.

When asked to elaborate on his decision making process, Coach K stated, “Nick Emery’s punch on our player Brandon Taylor two years ago has started a negative trend in the state. It has even carried to the women’s game as people saw in the Utah State vs UNLV cat fight a few months ago. As a result of the increasing number of violent incidents in college basketball this year, I declare that there will be no Ute Basketball next season.”

Coach K will pay a hefty fine which will be much greater than the 80,000 dollars he paid to cancel the BYU rivalry game. He will forego his entire contract for next year. “It was worth every penny.” said Larry.

Star Ute Center David Collette was at it again with his millennial attitude as he told reporters “I better still keep my athletic scholarship even though I won’t be playing basketball next year.” Collette was infuriated when USU cancelled his athletic scholarship after he quit the team the day before their first game. 

Some Ute basketball players have reportedly decided to try out for a walk on spot on the University of Utah football team. One former Ute basketball player Briton Johnson said, “Football is way safer than basketball. There is a lot of equipment to protect you.”

Ute fans will have to jump on either the BYU or Utah State bandwagon next year as they deal with more antics by Coach K. For those fans patient enough to read this whole satirical article, remember that today is April 1st, 2017 and have a Happy April Fools Day! Now go celebrate by painting a red U on a Cougar’s driveway. But please be safe and don’t pour beer on anyone’s family.

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