Haywatch in full swing in South Beach

Haywatch in full swing in South Beach

The real movie Jazz fans want to see this summer doesn’t involve shirtless Zac Efron in Baywatch. This summer Jazz fans are all on Haywatch!

All puns aside, Gordon Hayward has already visited Miami and is currently visiting Boston this weekend. The Jazz will be his third and final visit this week and he is expected to make a decision shortly after that.

Miami displayed a giant banner of Gordon Hayward in a Heat jersey in yesterday’s visit. Boston is expected to show off their 17 championship banners today. And the Jazz will focus on the improvement Hayward has made on the Jazz and how they can continue their upward trajectory.

Now it’s time to do a mock interview with all of Hayward’s first suitor in South Beach.

Saturday, American Airlines Arena, Miami

Pat Riley: Hello G-Time! What do you think of this poster? It’s slick like my hair right? Please step into my office while I polish my 11 rings. 

Gordon: Um, ok. So Pat, is your goal to just make the playoffs or are you focused on winning more rings.

Pat Riley: Well I have more rings than fingers but I want to put a ring on your finger. I have a history of winning. The Celtics history is ancient history. Do you see Red Auerbach still coaching the Celtics? Is Larry Bird still their star small forward? No. But Gordon, you could be the best Heat small forward of all time?

Gordon Hayward: Better than LeBron? Wow!

Pat Riley: Speak not his name! We could have won not 2, not 3, not 4

Gordon: Pat I respect you and our mutual interest of hair gel products but I’ve heard that quote before.

Pat Riley: Anyways Gordon, your future is here. Not in Utah where they’ve never won! Not in Boston where they haven’t won in almost a decade. It’s here. No state income tax. I turned D-League sensation Mr. Whiteside into a star before Gobert was even relevant. Under me you will achieve great things.

Gordon: But you couldn’t make the playoffs even in the East…

Pat Riley: We are the favorite! The best fans.

Gordon: That headed for the exits in Game 6 with a tight game with one minute to go?

Pat Riley: The best weather!

Gordon Hayward: Can’t argue there.

Pat Riley: and…. the best state income tax. Which is NO state income tax.

Gordon Hayward: Well that would be good but Utah is still paying me 50 million more.

Pat Riley: Gordon do you want to make money or do you want to win? With your help, we could make it to 7th in the East next year. In 5 years we could win a title assuming more talented players come.

Gordon Hayward: Ok Pat, thanks for your time. I have a good idea of what the situation in Miami would be like. I’ll have my agent call you.

Pat Riley: Very well. Just remember Gordon. Never forget to lather, rinse and repeat. Never!

Now it’s time to head to Beantown where a man familiar in the Beehive State lore greets Gordon.

Danny Ainge: Gordon! Is my son still making his political fibs on our state’s millionaire tax? Haha he was never the bright one.

Gordon Hayward: I thought the tweets were very funny.

Danny Ainge: Well sit down! Welcome to titletown! 5 titles by the Pats, 6 by the Bruins, 8 by the Red Sox, and 17 by yours truly.

Gordon Hayward: Technically you only won two as a player and you played with Bird.

Danny Ainge: Haha Gordy Gordy Gordy. The Celtics are my past, present and future.

Gordon Hayward: So let’s get this started. Hopefully you didn’t bring Tom Brady because I can’t stand him.

Danny Ainge: No! I brought in our IT department. IT! Come in!

Isaiah Thomas: Hello Gordon. I will be our point guard next year.

Gordon Hayward: What can your IT department do?

Danny Ainge: Well…. IT, tell our free agent prospect what you can do?

Isaiah Thomas: Well I can’t really use Microsoft Excel like most IT departments do. Haha. But I…. I can score.

Gordon Hayward: Can you defend?

Isaiah Thomas: I…. yes I can defend some people. If they’re close to my size.

Gordon Hayward: So in other words, you can’t guard anyone on the NBA level. Are you a pass first point guard?

Isaiah Thomas: Listen bruh, I’m the best pound for pound player in the NBA. I would be twice as good as MJ if I was 6 foot 3.

Gordon Hayward: But you aren’t. I’m six foot 8 and just came off an All-Star year. I want the rock.

Danny Ainge: Ok let’s end this. IT, you will pass to Hayward. Now Gordon besides championships you have your former college coach. Brad Stevens, what’s your plan to help Hayward?

Brad: I think we could try a Princeton Offense and a 2-3 zone defense. With Horford, IT and Hayward we could also try Phil Jackson’s triangle offense if that doesn’t work out.

Gordon: Coach, we aren’t in college anymore. I almost beat Duke with you. No more almosts. Can you beat LeBron?

Brad: We have a lot of first round picks. We are waiting for LeBron to either retire or head West to LA.

Gordon: So in other words no.

Brad: Well if you stay West then good luck with Golden State and San Antonio. Not to mention Minnesota, Houston and OKC with their recent acquisitions.

Gordon: Sounds good. I will keep you in the loop. Stay classy Coach B.

Now we head to San Diego where Gordon is scheduled to meet with Jazz personnel.

Rudy Gobert: Just answer me this Gordon. Do you want to win a championship?

Gordon: I… I do. But what makes us the favorites.

Rudy Gobert: Does any other team have a rim protector like me?

Gordon: No but they have an offense. 

Rudy Gobert: They would be 7th in the West! Did you see my tweet this morning? Heat is trash. Celtics is poop. Jazz is championship.

Gordon: Did you see the response that Isaiah Thomas made? The Celtics already have 17 championships and the Heat have 3. We are shrugging our shoulders waiting for a ring.

Rudy Gobert: They is poop G Man. They is a bunch of s—!

Quin: Enough Gobzilla. Gordon I have a rap for you….. Cause all I do is Quin, Quin Quin no matter what our win total going up! From 25, 39, 40, 51, next year we gonna get 60. All I do is win I’m Quin with tough D strategies with me you’ll win throughout your thirties.

Gordon Hayward: Well that rap was… really white but good job anyways! I do appreciate how much we have won. My expectations keep increasing though. We need top free agents to keep up with Golden State.

Ricky Rubio: Gordo, I am the free agent you need. I will pasarle el basquetbol para siempre!

Gordon Hayward: Wow Im confused. Each of these three teams want me so much it’s crazy. I will talk to my agent.

Agent: If you’re not sure then I would flip a coin on it.

Gordon Hayward: Excuse me?

Agent: Here is a penny. Heads you stay, tails you go.

Gordon Hayward: Go where? 

Agent: Go to the Knicks?

Gordon Hayward: ????

Agent: Just kidding. I mean go where you want to go. If you want to be the man go to South Beach. If you want to win but play with a selfish leprechaun then go to the Celtics.

Gordon Hayward: Ok here goes nothing. It’s rolling. Wow this is taking ten times longer than my near half court game winner in the national championship 7 years ago. Should I stay or should I go…..


Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: