The Return of Swatooine

The Return of Swatooine

A long time ago in a Valley far far away……

Playoff Wars: The Last True Rookie

War has struck. The Rockets have landed on Planet Swat Lake City, also known as Swatooine on Star Wars Day. The Evil Sith Lord Darth Hideous (I mean, look at James Harden’s beard) recruited Darth Homer also known as Chris Paul. Now with their offense doubled and defensive attention cut in half, the Jazz look to defend their home planet.

In the first battle the Jazz didn’t bring the force from Swatooine. R2G27, Rudy Gobert’s Go-Go Gadget Arms weren’t working like a droid with a 7 foot 9 arm span should. It was his first game without recording a swat in many moons. James Harden made a monsoon with all the threes he rained down. The Republic looked to seize control of the series.

In the second battle the Jazz used the secret weapons of Australian Jedis Joe Ingles and Dante Exum. The guys from down under hit the Rockets with an undercut as Joe Ingles recorded a Jazz playoff record 7 three point shots. Dante recorded a dunk that sucked out the last bit of hope that the Rocket Republic could muster. Despite the early foul trouble, the return of the Real Rookie Donovan Mitchell also brought a crazy putback one handed dunk that will be on Utah highlight reels for millenniums.

Now with the next battle in Utah, the Jazz look to use the loud cheers from their home planet as they look to thwart the evil Empire of the Houston Rockets. They will need everyone on board. If R2G27 can return to his swatting form on Swatooine, Obi-Don-Onovi can score more than a point like the Masked Rookie Ben Simmons did the night previous, and the Jazz can use the secret weapon AB10 (Alec Burks) then the Jazz will once again survive without the Spanish leader Kylo Ricky and once again restore hope and order to the galaxy of Swatooine.

May the Fourth be with you all and cheer like the Jazz Jedis you truly are!

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: