The Dark Side of the Jazz

We all have those Jazz Jedis we’ve loved that were great.

There were also those Jar-Jar Binks type players who maybe didn’t play so great but we admired them as a person.

Who would be the first team all hate for the Jazz? Who were the Chosen Ones who turned to the Dark Side and laughed in the face of the franchise? On a Star Wars Day, May the Fourth be With you as we break down the players that let us down.

Point Guard: Deron Williams

While Deron did apologize later on, he is considered to be the reason that Jerry Sloan retired which forced the Jazz to rebuild for 5 years. The trickle effect of many good players leaving after him has arguably kept the Jazz from winning more, but also brought a good player in Derrick Favors in the trade. Deron was booed for a while but like Darth Vader he realized the error of his ways. He should be celebrated for leading the Jazz to their only Western Conference Finals in 20 years.

Shooting Guard: Trey Burke

Jazz fans don’t forget anything bad said about their team, especially when a former player says it. In this tweet he basically defamed his former team. The Dark Side is a pathway that leads to many possibilities, but it didn’t take Trey Burke that far. He was averaging 12 points per game for a struggling Jazz team and has averaged just 10 points per game since. He spent a lot of time in the G-League and has played mostly out east in New York and Washington before recently being traded to Dallas. Have fun backing up Luka’s backup, Trey.

Small Forward: Gordon Hayward

Perhaps the darkest of the dark in recent memory, Gordon Hayward burned his former team, then retracted, then stomped on them again two years ago, which is comparable to Anakin going full Dark Side mode and attacking youngling Jedis in Episode III: Revenge of The Sith. Gordon didn’t really become an All-Star until his contract year. He was more talented at Call of Duty and any other video game than he was at basketball.

Gordon had a lot of fear in himself. He was afraid of a certain Delonte West who gave him wet willy that was wetter than a kiss from Jabba the Hut.

Since Gordon did that poor man’s version of LeBron’s “Coming Home” piece in the Players Tribune he hasn’t spoken kindly about the Jazz. He didn’t mention one kind word about any person in his article. He was excited to reunite with his former college coach Brad Stevens. The Celtics, however, don’t seem as excited to have him on their books.

He burned fans for throwing stuff on his lawn after he left. Jazz fans shouldn’t have done that but he went on to diss the Jazz for not signing him immediately as a restricted free agent. As a middling NBA player at the time he was forced to follow a standard business procedure and find a team like the Charlotte Hornets to offer him more before the Jazz would match it.

He also responded to the LeBron’s B-Word video with “Well, maybe now the Jazz will be his B-Word.” How’d that work out? LeBron hasn’t won in Utah since 2011 when he played for Miami. He himself said he sucks here. Gordon’s take was ice cold.

Also he didn’t call Gail. How could you not call that sweet lady to tell her you were leaving? It’s like not calling your grandma to thank her for that hand-crafted birthday card.

After breaking his leg in the first game of the 2017-2018 season, an injury almost as gruesome as Anakin burning after Obi Wan-Kenobi warned him about having the higher ground, Gordon has been inconsistent, which doesn’t make him worth the max salary he received. Danny Ainge is a Sith Lord with a heart of stone who has gotten rid of some great players before to make his Boston Sith Lord Empire all powerful. Expect to see Gordon traded in a package for someone like Anthony Davis this off-season.

It’s easy to hate Gordon Hayward but on the bright side, Donovan Mitchell wouldn’t have become Donovan Mitchell if Hayward stayed.

Power Forward: Trey Lyles

Basically if your name is Trey then you don’t like the Jazz because you can’t hit the trey, or maybe you don’t like treis horas (three hours) of practice. This tweet sums it all.

When a BYU fan calls you out then you know you’re REALLY on the Dark Side.

Center: Enes Kanter

Perhaps no other player has said more sour words about the Jazz than Enes Kanter. It’s easy to understand. Kanter and many of these sour players played in the Dark Ages of the Jazz which led them to believe that the Jazz Jedi were evil like young Anakin once did.

When Kanter came back to the Jazz and was asked about his time here, he dissed the professionalism of the team and said OKC was much more professional. He said the only thing he liked about Utah was the mountains. Well, Kanter, go to the Gallo Mountains of Naboo, the Glass Mountain Of Tatooine, or anywhere besides Utah. We don’t want you here.

Kanter was entitled because he was “The Chosen One” as a third pick of the 2011 NBA Draft. The Jazz are better off with Gobert as Kanter has had decent but not mind blowing seasons with the Knicks, Thunder and Trailblazers.

Conclusion: The ex-Jazz Sith Lords loom large, but fear not Jazz fans, for a long time ago in an NBA Galaxy Far Far Away, the Jazz were one game away from an NBA championship two years in a row, and maybe the rise of one Skywalker dunker named Donovan Mitchell, and a defense of our Utah Jazz Planet to rival the Millennium Falcon in Rudy Gobert, maybe the Jazz will once again bring peace and balance to the force of the Beehive State.

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