BREAKING: New USU Coach Jerrod Calhoun donating entire salary to NIL

by Daniel Olsen

Utah State University has made Jerrod Calhoun their new men’s basketball coach. That much is clear. While it was known that he has helped Youngstown State immensely with NIL, he is making an unprecedented leap for the Aggies. He has announced that all of his contract for the first year will be donated to NIL.

“Our NIL collectives are great,” Coach Calhoun said. “However, since I have millions of dollars saved, I don’t need my salary this year. I will start by spending whatever it takes to make sure Mason Falslev doesn’t join that team down south and stays in Northern Utah with the Aggies.”

In addition to his millions of dollars saved, Calhoun also has a limited edition Disney Blu-Ray DVD Collection, the Jordan Space Jam 11 shoes signed by Joe Burrow, and a financed waterbed that was slept in by Nick Saban. His resume would even make SEC super fan Coach @3yearletterman proud!

When asked what his fast food of choice was, Calhoun was quick to mention the Falslev Fave shake at the Arctic Circle in Smithfield.

“Falslev could be the greatest Aggie player once I teach him my jump shot technique as well as the underhand free throw,” Calhoun said. “I also hear that he played football. If he wants to pursue the NFL after college that’s up to him, but for now he should focus on basketball. The only football I’ll let him play is on Madden, and a college quarterback costs more in NIL than I have in my 401K.”

On behalf of the regular season Mountain West Champion Utah State Aggies, I would like to confess that this entire article is fake. This was just a satire article for this April Fools Day of 2024. Please donate to the Blue A or Light it Blue collectives since the Aggies do need to make sure the coach gets paid as well as retain as many of their players as possible. Go Aggies!

Featured image courtesy David Dermer of the AP